I wasn’t always so cynical. There was a time, long ago, before Taylor Swift and UberEats, when I spent my time happily frolicking in the fields and listening to Christmas Carols all year round.
It changed sometime in high school, where pimples and lackluster facial hair somehow resulted in me listening to alternative music. Like any interest, when you break through the surface layer you discover a world of depth and intricacy. Broadening my musical horizons led me to a shining moment of clarity, a divine realization that changed my life: Pop music actually kind of sucks. Thus began a journey down dark and lonely road, a slow mutation into an insufferable music elitist. But amongst all the condescension and head-shaking, there was a deep understanding, appreciation and critical analysis that garnered some small sliver of respect.
So it went, I became heavily involved in the local heavy music scene. After many a visceral mosh, I began to take note of the unique social etiquette that places like this dictate. The kinds of people that emerge from the depths of a dark room that smells like stale beer and regret. One night, covered in what I hoped was only my own sweat, I saw an old acquaintance whom I most definitely did not expect to see at a technical death metal show. I caught his gaze and walked over, asking my next question with equal parts apprehension and derision.
“Hey, man, what are you doing here? I didn’t take you for a fan of this kind of music!”
He matched my gaze, seemed to think for a moment, then shrugged.
“I’m not. I’m a fan of the scene,” he responded with a grin that could curdle milk.
Visibly shaken, I swiftly left and made a pledge to myself. I was going to provide a relatable, raw, first person account of my experiences in the scene. And like the author of the Bell Tower Times, a contemporary hero, I was going to use comedy to publicly shame every damn person who took it for granted.
Thus my blog was born, a place where the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind can see the light of the page. A unique platform to discusses the undiscussable: what really happens at live music venues.
But most of all, to make people laugh, man. It’s a lost art in this image driven, meme saturated world.